I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
