So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
