My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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