I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We had sex on a dog bed..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize