I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
