Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
