this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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