i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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