why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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