just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize