hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
