Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
