Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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