Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
