why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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