I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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