Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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