I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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