the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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