i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
