you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
