My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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