On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
