he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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