we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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