never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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