I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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