I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You dont lie about slip and slides
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
