the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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