so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
