Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
