I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
