my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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