Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
