quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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