Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
