Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
