the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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