I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
