My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
