apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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