He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
