Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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