I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
