How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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