she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
