worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
