she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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