Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
