he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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