I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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