I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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