It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
