Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
