we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I need moral support for this bender
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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