I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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