Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
