There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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