Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
