its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
