well you can't waste a boner
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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