who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
