Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
