If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
