I've blown a few things in my day
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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