On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
