Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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