Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She bit a glass in half.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
