Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
