Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize