this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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