I wanna passion pit in your ass
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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