i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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