drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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