Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize