just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
