Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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