I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
