sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My cat gives me a boner
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
