Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
