he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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