I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
