everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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