I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
